The Man and The Ride.

A thought from the female perspective, by Aline Köhler.

By Black Sheep Cycling

October 18^th, 2021

Cycling can be an incredible tool to pick you up from the darkest of shadows. Simply by movement. Aline Köhler recounts her experience with her own mental health struggles, and the strength that comes with vulnerability.

Hi friends, hi strangers - I am Aline and yes, I am here to talk about depression. Do I live with it myself? Si.

Am I sometimes ashamed of it? Oui.

Do I still try to talk about it and share my insight? Ja.

Do I regret all the work I put into getting back some control? Not in the slightest.

Depression comes in many shapes. It is very individual. And very personal. I, for example, found myself often playing “in working order” publicly while I actually felt tears crawling up. Being overwhelmed by a days tasks of getting groceries. Laying on the floor trying to catch my breath. Waking up with the disappointing reality of another day ahead. Ever been there too? Let me tell you: it is a terrible place. And it is the little things that can cause surprisingly big damage. The worries piling up and up and up until, BOOM.

“Waking up with the dissapointing reality of another day ahead. Ever been there too?”

The Man.

Being a woman, you bet your well-shaped peach that I have been told so many things. How I'm supposed to look, to behave, to plan my life. Now, when I change my perspective and have a look at the other side of stupid gender stereotypes that give me pinkeye from their consistent roll, I find myself confronted with a word that is somehow repelling me: masculinity.

Masculinity, huh? Always strong, confident, unemotional, in control. Well, that sounds a bit too much 1950's to me personally. And yet it is still somewhere locked in our brains. But when the feels collide with the societal image you have to obtain, things can get pretty nasty. But as much as I am just a little girl, allowed to be weak and cry and have someone to protect me, you boys out there are supposed to “Man up, be strong, get this sorted yourself!”

"Masculinity, huh? Always strong, confident, unemotional, in control. Well, that sounds a bit too much 1950’s to me personally. "

I am a firm believer that there is no such thing like “a real man”. Because whoever you are, however you are - you are real. People might judge you for sharing your pain or struggles, but people also judge you for not aligning your valves on bike pics. So let them.

I wonder if we'll ever get rid of the stigma. That mental health struggles are seen as a sign of weakness or failure instead of a medical condition. But the thing is: opening up, admitting struggles and asking for help is not weakness. It is the exact opposite. It takes courage and strength. You are taking responsibility for yourself. What a blessing it would be if everyone would feel free and safe to share their struggles and pain before things get really messy. To prevent worse, to not even let it get that bad. To stay on the cracky road that is life. Reality is not yet there, but more people than ever are becoming aware of the problems that gender stereotypes and the stigma around mental health are causing. You know, no one would think twice if you had both arms and legs broken. You kind of have, but they can’t see it and sign the plaster.

There is nothing wrong in grabbing some weapons for the fight you are fighting. A true friend, your loved ones or a specialist will be happy to hand you some. Talking about your feelings and suffering can give you power over the void that's dragging you down - or might bring a helping hand into your life, that's pulling you back from the ⁠abyss.

“But the thing is: opening up, admitting struggles and asking for help is not weakness. It's the exact opposite.”

The Ride.

Now what does all of this have to do with cycling? Nothing. And everything. When I feel stuck, I ride - well, when I get up off my arse that is. But hands down - I am more often out there fighting my demons and opposing the dark than counting watts or hunting segments.

As rewarding as the road to better mental health is, it is often long and bumpy too. That's why you need your new best friend: yourself. A real mate or two to join you, and your bike to keep you moving. Because that is the only way. For you, for the people that love you and the future you that will be so darn proud of you.

I know, it is so damn hard to start. But you know what? You can ditch the power trackers and grab your bike anytime. You might just realise: You are moving. You are breathing. You are alive. So go find that tiny spark that gives you just that bit of courage you need to make a first step. I know it is there.