Cycling to Slow Down.

Camila Restrepo's Man Ride Story.

By Black Sheep Cycling

October 18^th, 2021

Cycling was a means of satisfaction and determination to Camila Restrepo, until it wasn't. Cycling became all or nothing to Camila, and turned a positive light into a self-sabotaging competition. Finding balance and taking time for herself became a refuge. On the same two-wheels that sent her off-track.

Might seem weird, but the bike has given me speed and most importantly it has given me the ability to slow down.

Some days I just seem to never stop. From the second I wake up, til the time I go back to sleep, it seems like I have a never-ending to-do list and a crazy strategy to make it all work. I want it all to be perfect, as efficient as possible, and of course without making too many mistakes.

In between all that, there’s cycling. It started as a way of getting some exercise and it quickly became a lot more. Like everything else in my life, I’ve tried to improve on it, to be better, faster, put in more hours, more miles, more adventures. Always more, more and more.

"Does it bother me that I won’t accomplish what I did last year? If I did it last year, why couldn’t I just do it again? What am I doing then?"

As a beginner, I had to quickly overcome the fear of falling at every red light, at every stop sign and at not knowing how to clip in. When I got more comfortable on the bike, I was challenged with riding in big groups. I always doubted my abilities and was constantly trying not to bump into everyone else. There was the added challenge to pedal while being socially graceful... not an easy task

Last year, the bike kept me sane. For the majority of the year, I decided to focus on an intensive indoor training plan to take my mind off all the chaos, sadness, and frustration that was going on within the world. I was at my fittest, at my fastest, and I surpassed my cycling goal for the year. I did crazy rides because it was what I needed.

This year, my career took priority and the bike became a different thing.

Does it bother me that I won’t accomplish what I did last year? If I did it last year, why couldn’t I just do it again? What am I doing then?

I eventually realised that cycling was becoming a source of anxiety, rather than a moment of happiness. More than being what I needed at this time, it was becoming a chore and a way to fulfil expectations that weren’t mine anymore.

I’m incredibly thankful for cycling. This year has put things into perspective and helped me realise that support doesn’t mean to push others or to expect of others what you expect of yourself. Give space, be there and let others be.

“I’m celebrating mistakes and realisations. Failing is scary, falling is frightening and making choices is never easy.”

I’m valuing the little time I have on the bike to go as slow as I can. To stop and explore, to look at the world from a different perspective, in slower motion this time around.