The Pressure To Perform.

Matt Hauser's Man Ride Story.

By Black Sheep Cycling

October 18^th, 2021

The Olympics are enough to make an average bystander quiver in the wake. Years of dedication and training, all leading up to one event, one race. Matt Hauser shares his love letter to Toyko 2020 and the moment he had been preparing for his entire life.

This isn’t a love letter with a happy ending. This is high performance sport. The Olympics. The pinnacle, many dream, few succeed, most fall short.

I feel like ever since I moved out of home at 17, to be an elite triathlete, my whole journey has been building up towards this.

People speak of journeys as a rollercoaster, when you cling onto fickle moments of brilliance in your preparation, re-establishing the mindset of a dreamer, only to relinquish it all in a moment of uncertainty. This constant questioning riddles you with doubt sometimes, and when the peak of your summit falls short of triumph, you’re left with self-doubt and dissatisfaction. It becomes lonely, sometimes.

“When the peak of your summit falls short of triumph, you're left with self-doubt and dissatisfaction.”

For me, half the battle was getting to the start-line. It was an infinite struggle between challenging my level of commitment and effort, and having the self-belief that I'm on the right path to success. Most of it is trial and error and I didn’t quite have that luxury, starved of overseas exposure and competition 18 months before the games, I was going in blind. I settled on a mantra that I would rather turn up 90% fit and 100% fresh and healthy. Whilst the expectations were realistic, the promise of opportunity was glaringly obvious.

"I was starved of overseas exposure and competition 18 months before the games, I was going in blind"

The reality for me was, the Games were somewhat anticlimactic. I left the race venue having battled tooth and nail for a satisfactory 24th position. A monstrous 2 hours of pain, but looking back now it strangely seems it was over in an instant. The only solitude I was left with was the thought of knowing I'd wrung my towel of exertion. A vivid memory of walking back to the Australian tower in the village etched in my mind. Taking the back entrance, not wanting to front the Aussie crowd gathered around the TV screens, medals being won before their eyes. Basking in the success of others was a warming comfort and something I treasure from the experience. The atmosphere and pride that surrounded the camp was electric, there was a brave smile from me.

“Sure there’s a form of outside pressure that can be controlled and quantified, but ultimately we’re our own harshest critic”

My mates, my battlefield brothers, some having to commit to a life of painstaking solitude and foreign hostility for the four long years leading into these games. Stories of suffocating realities, the pressure of moments becoming so intense it nearly nullifies the basic human function of breathing. Sure there’s a form of outside pressure that can be controlled and quantified, but ultimately we’re our own harshest critic.

For me the struggle lies in the perspective of what I leave in my journeys’ wake. The selfish nature of the sport, the session I didn’t quite nail, the friend’s birthday I missed, the loves I leave waiting. But my goodness, it can be oh so bright and the high is Everest-like. The vision once dreamed becomes a tangible masterpiece, and once the applause has been drowned out and the curtain is closed. What then?

“Once the applause has been drowned out and the curtain is closed. What then?”

Some have told me that I’m mentally resilient, that I measure the good with the bad. What does that even mean? To me it’s putting one foot in front of the other. To be resilient isn’t a hand of pocket aces. What guides me, inspires me, is the energy and experience I draw from the people I surround myself with. My selfless training partners, my coach, my family. But it isn’t always through conversation that I quench my thirst for drive. Silence is an underrated elixir that can answer so many of those questions, simply being in the presence of someone else, don’t fear it, don’t fear to break it. Hold it with conviction and purpose.

“The pressure to perform is multifaceted, just like our mental health”

Some days you're going to be the one taking the wind and others you’ll be taking the wheel. The pressure to perform is multifaceted, just like our mental health. Some days it’s not as easy as gun-fingers to yourself in the mirror, or a beat of the chest as McConaughey did in The Wolf of Wall Street. I’ll be here fighting the good fight, forever questioning, and riding the wave right until the end. I’m lucky enough to be living out other’s dreams, the pressure of responsibility is weighted but sometimes necessary.